30 days

have september
april,
June,
and november

all the rest
have 31
and yet June
has felt
so fucking
long.

i'm not havin' it

Phrase Of The Week: "not havin it"

meaning: to be frustrated, not easy going, pissed off

used in a sentence: "This week I'm not fucking havin' it"

cape cod

The two days that I was on Cape Cod felt like a week. It was beautiful. The weather was perfect, I got to see one of my best friends, I enjoyed nature and had a delicious lobster roll on my last night. Hopefully my schedule will work out next year so that I can go again and hopefully enjoy it a bit longer. But in the meantime, here are some visuals from my little stay in Orleans.

future sick

Now that I'm officially half way through my college career I've been thinking a lot about my future. Of course I'm not sure about where I'll end up or how I even think things will pan out, but I think I am getting closer to envisioning a long term goal.

As a fashion design major, a train of thought can go something like this: get internship, hope that they take you on as an employee after you graduate, move to NYC and stay there. Now, I'm not knocking people who want to do that. For a long time that's certainly where my head was. I figured I'd work under some designer/design house and either make my way up or save my money and put out my own line with fingers crossed. However, the more I think about it the less I want to live in NYC....like not at all. So, I'm thinking I'd like to stay where I am or possibly go west. Who knows. What i do know though, is that I want to have my own store.

I think about it a lot. I imagine my storefront, my logo, what the inside would be like, what brands I would carry, the people who would work for me...things like that. I figured I would open a shop and hopefully get the money to start a private label of my own design that I can sell through the store and just work my way up from there. And it's kind of funny because I've always imagined my friends working for me and being useful for one creative outlet or another. Sounds like a dream, sounds fun.

But wait, what about my high school dreams of becoming a famous designer with runway shows, celebrity clientele and adds in Vogue? Well, the thought is still there. So maybe I really don't know what route I want to take. I just want to be successful and for me success would equal having a clothing line to call my own.

   Future Sick by user9946565

goodnight bad morning

away to the cape

This morning I made plans to visit my long time friend, Emily, on Cape Cod within the next week. Her family goes there every summer for a couple weeks as a retreat from our hometown in Pennsylvania.  I've never been but most of the people I've talked to about it have said: one, that people from the cape are weird and two, the cape is beautiful despite the strange people. Having friends from the cape I can say that there is something about them that is maybe a little weird, but who isn't? Maybe people from the cape just know what's up.

But anyway, I'm excited to go. I've been looking for an excuse to get out of the city and relaxing in a beach town for a couple days sounds like an excellent idea.

I've been trying to fill up my schedule because, in all honesty, the summer is not my favorite time of year. Never really has been. Every year as a kid I went to camp, but now I'm on my own living away from home. So, to help time somewhat fly, I try to keep my schedule busy and plan ahead of time so that there are things to look forward to. I have some friends coming to visit, a trip here or there in the works and a couple concerts. However, for this week, I have the cod to look forward to.

orchidaceae

Now that school is over and a large chunk of my week is taken up by work I treat the two days off that I get like a luxury. I can dress however I want (like wearing shorts, oh my!) and I don't have to waste almost two hours of my day underground on the T. So, on my first day off of the week I decided that I would treat myself to a new pair of shoes and a plant...yes, a plant.

I had been thinking about getting a plant for about a week and my heart was set on an orchid. My mom had grown a few when I was younger and I always found them fascinating, they're almost alien looking. So, I went to a little flower shop and picked one up. It's a pretty small orchid, in bloom, and has little yellow flowers with some pink in the center. I was thrilled, it was perfect! But when I got in line it was like something dawned on me. I suddenly felt like I was adopting a child, or getting a pet, like this was some huge responsibility. I would feel terrible if it ever died. I almost put the little thing back and considered leaving the store.

It was strange, i didn't think that my mind would suddenly have me reconsider buying a plant. I had been thinking about it for a while and then out of the blue I was about to put it down? "BUT NO", I thought, I had to keep it. This little plant was mine. Long story short, I bought it despite my urge to put it away. But I guess for the three minutes that I imagined its life in the palm of my hands, I almost couldn't fathom the responsibility that comes with taking care of a plant. Only a few things in life had ever hit me like that, but  those were big decisions, not wether I was going to buy a plant or not.

It was a what-the-fuck moment if I ever had one. Maybe somewhere in my subconscious I was afraid of having to take care something else. However, I think that's why I wanted a plant in the fist place. Since the beginning of June my routine was temporarily paused, if you will. Now, I'm not one to live solely within the constraints of a self-made "routine" but there are little things that I like. Par example, i typically do my laundry on sundays, I always brush my teeth before I take a shower, and during the school year I went to my boyfriends every thursday. So now, I've added my plant to my routine: water it every 5 days, fertilize it once a month, and keep it in the window during the day. Taking care of the plant. I guess thats just part of what I do now.

sunsets on the hill

for Jon